Since I started reading the book, The Breaking Point, I’ve gained a whole new appreciation of women who enjoy becoming “cougars” in midlife. It sounds like this is all about a feeling of entitlement and empowerment.
There is certainly something to be said for going out and grabbing a sweet young thang to make yourself feel better after decades of being constantly at everyone else’s beckon call.
I had no idea that this pattern was so common among older women. I also had no idea that women in midlife felt so self-critical about their bodies, leading to a whole new crop of eating disorders in older women. Some feel so insecure about their sex appeal that they feel the need to prove that they are still attractive to younger men. I get that.
When I finally dumped my wasband, I was extremely angry and frustrated. But for me this did not manifest into a desire to go find a new love object. In my typical introspective way, I isolated for a few years, avoiding even the idea of dating. It took me a while to even begin to consider it. I felt so abused and depressed, I couldn’t imagine how dating could make it better. I figured that in the short run dating could only make me feel worse!
Then, in typical Laura Lee-style, I started my own dating service to dive into my own issues and submerge myself in the waters of midlife desire. I wanted to study it from the inside. Interviewing so many clients that were still looking for love in their 40’s and 50’s showed me how not-alone I was. I found great camaraderie and thoroughly enjoyed this crowd of people.
In the meantime I interviewed a few younger men who definitely got me going. I guess I just assumed they would not be interested in me. I suppose I have some sort of rule in my head that tells me that I should only date men who are within a few years of my age….so many rules, so little time!
So now I say, if you are in midlife and attracted to someone of any age (over 18, of course!), you go girl! Safe guard yourself by maintaining your self-respect and integrity, but have some fun out there. Time’s a wasting!
September 29, 2008 at 6:37 pm |
I am dang thrilled to read this article and I couldn’t agree more.
A few months ago, I didn’t know “cougars” existed but now I know after being filled in with the details by a (you probably guessed it) a younger man.
At first I was shocked but have grown more accustom to the idea. I’ve even found newspapers devoted to the lifestyle!
I’m soooo glad to have found your blog. Yay!
September 30, 2008 at 4:31 am |
This is so cool. It always helps me in my marriage to know that I could go out there and attract a bunch of young men if I cut loose. It’s a powerful feeling – actually a bit scary. The whole idea of having “fun” with men is almost impossible to “compute.” So many of my clients and readers who are single can’t even imagine that ANY man would be attracted to them, much less handsome younger men. But they are! We’re all total men magnets – and the confidence and comfortableness with ourselves some of us are able to get as we grow older is what makes us so attractive.
I love this blog, Thank you, Rori