To paraphrase the old song:
Love is lovelier, the second time around.
Just as wonderful, with both feet on the ground.
It’s that second time you hear your love song sung,
makes you think perhaps that love, like youth,
is wasted on the young.
And so it is. Falling in love later can be quite the challenge, but when it happens, it feels just like a miracle! To me it felt like winning the lottery. And in a way, it was.
When I think back to all the reasons why Mike and I should not have met, it boggles my mind that we did. Although we only lived 10 miles apart, without the internet we most certainly wouldn’t have met. Our backgrounds were quite different and we shared no social networks.
In addition, I was getting gun shy of meeting new men through the internet because of the way they kept vaporizing after our first date. (See previous post) I was beginning to feel mighty hopeless! And besides being a shy, private person himself, Mike was also fearful of bringing another into his off and on struggle with chronic fatigue (CFS).
Then there was the fact that we didn’t really match up on paper. I came from a strongly academic background and Mike went to the Navy instead of college. His specialty is mechanics and electronics, mine is intellectual pursuits.
But what we did have in common turned out to be much more important. Mike and I had a camaraderie of spirit which I have never found in another human being. We both realized later that we had been trying to connect with others in this way for most of our lives, but had somehow missed until the day we met.
From the very beginning our souls spoke to each other in a unique and wonderful way, a spontaneous familiarity, a synchronicity of body, mind and heart. And the most amazing thing is that we both realized and appreciated it immediately. No backing away from it, no denying it. We both completely trusted our intuition and feelings and simply went with it.
We spoke for ten hours on our first date, and took a short trip together less than two weeks afterwards. Now, I know you’re probably thinking, that this stinks a bit of “instimacy” (instant intimacy), but the best way I can describe it is that great line at the end of “When Harry Met Sally.”
When you finally meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible!
We both had been through so much in our lives, so we recognized immediately when something unique and wonderful fell into our laps. I also learned about a key component of compatibility that I had never thought about before.
Besides the usual requirements, the deal breakers, etc., I learned how important it is that your partner comprehend things at a rate comparable to yourself. In other words, Mike and I think at the same rate, and often come to the same conclusions simultaneously. This can be quite a gift in a long term relationship!
My own theory of love came through loud and clear when I met Mike. That theory says: you get what you are in love, because your loved one reflects back your Self in so many ways. As much as you have worked on developing into your best self, as much as you can come to love yourself, that is the kind of person you will attract to yourself.
So keep working on loving yourself and feeling gratitude for the life you have, and read good book like: How to be an adult in relationships by David Richo.
My favorite poet Marge Piercy said it best in her book “The Moon is Always Female”:
“Love is plunging into darkness toward a place that may exist.”
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